‘Twas the Night Before Bacon Fest


‘Twas the night before Bacon Fest and all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse
The frying pan was placed on the stove top with care
In hopes that Mr. Baconpants would soon be there

The children were nestled all snug in their beds
While visions of thick cut bacon danced in their heads
And Mom in her bacon bra and I in my bacon tie
Had just settle down for a rerun of Bacon Live

When down from the kitchen there arose such a clatter
I could smell something cooking and hear the sizzle and splatter
Away to the stair well I flew like a flash
But had to go back because I forgot my pants

Back down the stairs my pants fastened tight
To check for possible home intrusion on this cold winter night
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear
But a man with pants made of bacon standing right here

He was frying up bacon so lively and quick
I thought for a moment, get out of my house you… um jerk
A variety of bacon products from his pockets they came
And he whistled and shouted and called them by name

Bacon salt, Bacon pop, Bacon jelly and jam
Bacon soap, Bacon beer, bacon found in a can
From the bottom of the floor to the top of the wall
Splatter away, splatter away, splatter away all

Then on to the plate the rashers they flew
Baconpants said I made some for you too
He was dressed all in bacon from his head to his feet
His bacon pants stained with bacon grease

His eyes, how they twinkled and his joy made them water
His cheeks were dark red, like hogs back from the slaughter
He had a bit of bacon held tight in his teeth
He chewed on it slightly and said have a seat

He spoke no more words, but went straight on to work
And filled up my plate, then turned with a jerk
Then he licked off his finger to get every last drop
Then out my back door with a skip and a hop

He sprung to his bio-diesel Dodge Neon , that ran on bacon fat
And peeled off down the road not looking back
But heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight
Happy Bacon Fest to all and to all a good night

By Sean Brett