The Vegan Agenda Part 1: Celebrities are so smrt… ur smart.

I was down in our nation’s capital (That’s Washington D.C. for those of you that went to public school.) When I was walking down the street, about 3 blocks away from the White House I came across an interesting looking news paper stand. We have all seen these; they’re the big plastic ones that say free on the side and mostly contain house listings. This one was different it had a bunch of pictures of celebrities and I saw in big letters it said recipes inside. I figured I’d check it out since I’m always down for trying new recipes.

As I raised the small news paper to my face the first thing I noticed was Tobey Magurie’s smiling face, the second was big lettering that said, “Go Vegetarian Go Vegan!” Normally I would just throw this away in the nearest sewer drain but I decided to check it out. It’s always a good idea to see other points of view even if you don’t agree with them.

I turned to the first page of this PETA sponsored Vegan Starter Kit and instantly knew I made a mistake. The first two pages were covered with smiling celebrities and quotes’ proving that once again all you need to make it in show business is looks. Here are some of the gems that stuck out.

Sir Paul McCartney: Says “chickens are as intelligent as dogs, cats, and some primates”

I have personally have never seen any of these smart chickens but if they’re as smart as dogs, cats, and monkeys then that must mean they also play, throw and eat their own poop. That must also mean that if we can prove an animal is dumber then a dog it would be ok to eat them.

Constance Marie: (yea I never heard of her either.) Held a chicken once during the filming of “Selena” and it was at that point in her live that she realized for the first time that animals are alive and where chicken nuggets come from.

Carrie Underwood: Says killing animals for meat just makes her sad. I guess we’ll just have to kill them for sport and the sheer fun of it.

Pam Anderson: Says chickens, pigs and other animals are interesting individuals with personality and intelligence. She’s right, have you ever talked to a pig? They are down right charming and would be the life of the party at any social gathering. Especially when they do that trick were they roll in their own feces

I read through all 22 pages of this garbage and found some interesting recurring themes. They like to mention over and over again that Vegans are in perfect health and meat-eaters are over weight. I found 20 different comments saying this, but what I want to know is, if Vegetarians and Vegans are all the perfect body weight then what the hell are Alec Baldwin and Forest Whitaker doing in this magazine? If you believe that Alec Baldwin doesn’t eat cheeseburgers you probably also believe that milks CAUSES osteoporosis. Oh wait… I’m sorry, they claim that too.

Read more about the Vegan Agenda!

By Sean Brett