Bacon is Addicting, so that why I’m 400 Pounds

“It’s not my fault I weight 400 pounds I have an addiction.”

The Scripps Research Institute in Jupiter Florida is claiming that bacon might be as addictive as heroin. They are saying that, fatty snacks trigger the same pleasure center in the brain that drives people to drug addiction. They tested this by feeding rat’s bacon, sausage, and cheesecake and administering an electric shock every time the rats ate the yummy treats. The rats continued eating the bacon and just taking the shock. What does this prove? Apparently, that rats conduct electric better than gold and your average bacon lover is one step away from performing tasteless acts in dark alleys for a rasher.

I am so tired of all these reports coming out claiming that fatty food is addictive. All they’re doing is trying to give people an excuse for being fat and the Government an excuse to tax or ban things.

By saying that it is a disease you are giving people a pass and all that does in encourage more of the same behavior. Next thing you know the Government will get involved and claim that bacon is a controlled substance and must be taxed and if these people are sick then the insurance companies will have to take care of them. That would mean we are going to start having rehab clinics for the morbidly obese.

They could make a TV show out of it for TLC. I can see it now, they wheel up a 600 pound blob of a man and Dr. Drew has to lift every fold of fat looking for smuggled chicken nuggets. There would be many heart to heart talks were the blob would admit that his dad ran out on him when he was five, his priest touched him, his mother beat him, and his only friend was a half eaten pot roast (that is until he ate the rest of it) and that is the reason he eats 2 dozen doughnuts for breakfast.

During a difficult detox session where Jabba is only allowed to consume vitamin water and organic whole wheat Paul Newman brand crackers, he will go insane. Screaming about how his body needs bacon and if he could just get one cup cake it will tide him over. Just before blacking out he will make a break for the door only to fall victim to the dreaded act of running.

Then when it looks like he has his demons under control and he successfully lost 1 pound they would let him go. Only to bring him back next season because McDonalds brought back the McRib and the temptation was too great.

Look, there is no hidden reason why you’re fat. You are fat because you choose to eat a lot and not exercise, that’s it. The whole notion that you have a disease and can’t help yourself is pure bull cucky. If that’s true I ask you this, where are the junk food junkies? The guys that are breaking in to houses just to get at your hohos or the muggings outside of the Burger King drive through line. They don’t exist because the addition doesn’t exist.

If you find that you are over weight do yourself a favor and don’t blame anybody (or anything) but yourself. Once you come to the realization that it is your fault, then and only then can you take on the personal responsibility and change your chubby life.

By Sean Brett