Bad Blogger Resource

Bad Blogger

A fellow Pittsburgh Blogger (ThatNight) wrote an amazing post about called, “Personal Blogger Resource”. I recommend that everyone in to blogging check it out, it’s well written and the tips are timeless.

After reading the post it got me thinking what makes a bad blogger bad. Sometimes if you look at what you can do wrong it helps you do what’s right. So here is my list for what bloggers should do if they want to be a bad blogger.

1. Tiny Details – A bad blogger should always bore their readers with every detail that happens to them. For example if you are blogging about walking to work, you must write about how everyone was dressed. Think about the last Steven King novel you read and you will know what kind of detail I expect in a bad bloggers post.

2. Destroy Commenters – When someone has the audacity to comment on YOUR blog with THEIR opinion punish them with hate. A bad blogger must always be right. If a commenter proves you wrong delete the comment right away.

3. Never Tell the Truth – Never be yourself and make up stories about how amazing you are. If someone catches you in a lie just block them from your blog so they don’t tell everyone else. Or start an evil rumor about them to discredit them. Lying is one of the most important things you can do to be a bad blogger.

4. Never Design – As a bad blogger you have no time to design a nice looking blog so just use the default theme your blogging platform came with. People should be reading your amazing content, not looking at eye candy. Keep them on task by making your site ugly.

5. Fake Friends – Join as many social networks that you can, using your blogs name. You will also have to create a many fake accounts as you can and then friend yourself. This will help reinforce your lies about how funny and popular you are.

6. Emo Emo Emo – Bad bloggers must obsessively write about how sad and depressed they are. Remember you’re not happy and no one else should be happy. Your job is to bring everyone else down.

7. Spelling and Grammar – As a bad blogger you should never worry about spelling and grammar. If your readers can’t understand what your writing that’s their problem not yours.

8. Build a False Sense of Yourself – Looking in the mirror for about five to ten minutes before you blog and tell yourself how amazing you are. Tell yourself that Google Analytics is wrong and you do have more than three visitors a day. Tell yourself that you have so many RSS readers that FeedBurner cannot keep up, that’s why it always says zero subscribers. If you do this your ego will grow, despite your short comings. Having a false sense of yourself is the second most important thing for a bad blogger, lying is always number one.

There are a lot of other bad bloggers already out there so I hope my tips help you standout. Remember it’s a lot of hard work keeping track of all your lies and growing ego. No one said being a bad blogger was easy.

If there is anything I missed, be sure to let me know. Since I am not a “bad blogger” I will appreciate your comments.

Blue Ribbon Bacon Festival

Bacon Fest

I am going to Des Moines Iowa. I know what your thinking, “Mosley, why in the hell are you going to Iowa”? Well I am going to Iowa for the Blue Ribbon Bacon Festival. That’s right, a whole day of nothing but bacon and PBR.

WHAT: Blue Ribbon Bacon Festival.
WHERE: El Bait Shop and High Life Lounge, 200 S.W. Second St., Des Moines.
WHEN: 10 a.m.-4 p.m. March 1.
ADMISSION: $30, which includes T-shirt, bacon bracelet, bacon menu and samples, bacon lecture, one drink, $1 Pabst Blue Ribbon draw and bacon-eating contest. Tickets available Friday at El Bait Shop.

I thought $30 was a lot of money, but if you think about wine tasting events cost that much and you don’t even get a free t-shirt. So I think its a good value after you really think about what your getting. Which its a whole day dedicated to enjoying bacon!

Here is the days Agenda:
10:00 Registration and Breakfast, Bacon Egg & Cheese Biscuit
10:30 First Tasting
11:00 All About Bacon lecture from Leo Landis & Second Tasting
11:30 Third Tasting
12:00 Fourth Tasting & Bacon Showcase
1:00 Lunch 7 course Bacon Meal – cheeseburger sliders, bacon wrapped shrimp, bacon wrapped tots, rumaki, armadillo egg (cheese wrapped with a pepper wrapped with chicken that is then wrapped in bacon and fried), candied bacon and Bacon Maple Cheesecake with a Templeton Rye Whiskey Walnut Glaze (A guy from Sara Lee’s test kitchen in Chicago was testing it out last week.)
1:30 Fifth Tasting
2:00 That boy is a P.I.G. eating contest
2:30 Sixth Tasting
3:00 Announcement of Blue Ribbon winners!

The Des Moines Register wrote a nice article about the event. Look near the bottom and see who they mention (ME!). Even the local bloggers are talking about it, check out this article from Pressdog.

While I am at this event I am going to be live blogging it via cellphone (Centro). I will be posting text updates to my Twitter and posting photo updates to my Flickr. I will also be taking my Flip Ultra to shoot some videos to post on YouTube. The Monday after the event I will compile all this information into a nice blog post. Just in case you were not able to follow the updates live.

UPDATE: This event officially sold out in one day. The power of bacon is proven once again.

Harpoon IPA

Harpoon IPA

Harpoon Brewery in located in Massachusetts. It started making beer in 1986 because the owners had a love of great beer. They were inspired after traveling to Europe and seeing how important local breweries are.

Their Harpoon IPA is a take on a classic English style. The IPA (India Pale Ale) style originates from English brewers needing a beer that could handle an unrefrigerated trip from England to India. To do this they took advantage of two natural preservatives, alcohol and hops. This beer has a strong hop smell and finish with a ABV of 5.9%.

Appearance (3.5/5): I really like the label on this bottle. The beer inside is crystal clear and golden amber. The head starts out about half inch thick then fades to a thin layer.

Smell (3/5): The dominate smell is a crisp hop aroma with a hint of something flowery sweet. There might have be something else there but that is what stood out to me.

Taste (4/5): It has a strong hop taste that is surprisingly smooth. It’s not a bitter as other IPAs and these something a little sweet in the after-taste.

Mouth Feel (4/5): This feels very satisfying in my mouth and it’s a tad fuzzy. (Keep your dirty jokes to yourself. ;))

Drinkability (5/5): I usually don’t drink IPAs but this one was very drinkable. If your not an IPA fan this one would be good for you to try. You might be surprised.

Overall, I give this beer 3.75 out of 5 bacon strips. You can read other reviews about this beer at

Feel free to comment with your own review of this beer. Also remember to check out my other reviews of Dominion Oak Barrel Stout, Yuengling Traditional Lager, and Pittsburgh’s Penn Pilsner.

Chest Laser: Weapon of Choice for Indie Artists

In the beginning of February I quietly launched a new project call Chest Laser. It’s an online independent clothing and art store. All of the products and designs are made by different artists but share a common theme and/or look.

My goal is to create a place where people can shop for artist-made goods and to be an alternative to shopping at major chain stores. Other places try to profit off the artists; I let the artists profit from me.

I got the idea from Shana Logic. Her store sells mostly cutesy stuff, so I want to create a store that sells edgier things. I also know a few artists that have things to sell but don’t have the internet know-how to sell them online. Since I have the know-how and they have the talent, this should work out great.

I would like to thank Matt Gondek for creating the graphics for the site and the first limited edition shirt. He also helped in the brainstorming for a catchy and edgy name for the store.

I am working out contracts with two more artists. I hope to have their products up sometime next week. Keep checking the site for more details as they become available.

I am always looking for artists to partner with to sell their creations. If you are an established artist or just starting out, I would love to hear from you. Contact me at jmosley at chestlaser dot com for more details.

Standards for Eating Dropped Bacon

Dropped Bacon

At work today after I heated up my pasta leftovers in the microwave I spilled them on the floor. It was a tragedy because I was hungry for the rest of the day. A bag of chips and some apple sauce just doesn’t cut it.

Anyway, while I was cleaning up my mess the thought crossed my mind, if this was bacon I would still eat it. So this got me thinking, what are my standards for eating bacon off the floor?

My standards for eating dropped bacon:
Tiled surfaces that look clean are safe to eat bacon off of.
Carpeted areas in people homes without pets are safe. Just remember to pick off any fuzz you may find. If they do have pets eat at your own risk.
Carpeted areas in public places are nasty so just leave your drop bacon behind and keep walking.
Pavement or Sidewalks are tricky, if it looks like a clean area and that’s enough for you then eat it. But I may have second thoughts because outside animals can urinate anywhere they want.
Grass or dirt is the worst place to drop bacon, but if there is a dog nearby you may make a new friend.

This is what I could come up with, but I bet there are more standards that I missed. If you think of any feel free to share them.

UPDATE: Matt Gondek from made a few place suggestions.
Dropped bacon in the tub – If its your tub eat it, if its someone else leave it.
Dropped bacon in a car (under the seat) – Would you eat a French fry you found under the seat?
Dropped bacon in a bowl of cereal – Eat up, you might just invented a new flavor of Lucky Charms.

Bacon Bandages Video Review

Bacon Bandages

This is my first video review and it’s on Bacon Bandages from Ever since I got my new toy (Flip Video Ultra), I started making some poorly produced videos (this is one of them). I think it’s because I just got it and I really want to use it. I am sure once the newness wears off, I will start taking more time with my videos. I will start adding titles, background music, and other nifty stuff like that. Just like it took me time (about 6 months) to get better at creating graphics for the site, it will take me time to create better videos. Practice make perfect.

If you have ideas on how I can better incorporate video in this blog please share. I don’t want this to be something I overuse, but I also don’t want it to be something I underuse. So I need your help in figuring out how to better entertain you with this new toy.

UPDATE: After watching this a few more times and talking to some people, I have a few things I need to work on. I need to relax, talk slower, move my arms less, add music, and use cuts. I will post a new video every week, so lets see if I improve.

Mr. Bacon(pants) vs. Monsieur Tofu

Bacon Fight

Archie McPhee emailed me to let me know they have a new bacon product called, Mr. Bacon vs. Monsieur Tofu. It’s a play set where you act out the constant battle between vegetarians and bacontarians. Mr. Bacon is fighting for everything crispy and yummy and the evil Mr. Tofu is fighting for everything spongy and nasty.

Since we are talking about battles, this will be a good time for me to inform everyone that I am having a real life battle with PETA. I am not the aggressor, they are. Every day I get spam email and comments telling me how evil my blog is. I never post them because I don’t want to the give them satisfaction by letting them think that I take their threats seriously. I would just like to let them know that they are wasting their time with me. I will never post or read anything they send me.

My friend Gondek recently did a post about them on his site echoflip talking about how dogmatic they are. He is basically just explaining why he personally dislikes the organization. If you are looking for something a little deeper then check out this article, Animal “Rights” and the New Man Haters. It explains why it is imposable for animals to share the same rights as humans.

To end this post on a lighter note, Mr. Bacon vs. Monsieur Tofu would make a great birthday (March 1st) gift for me. 😉