OnLive: Fight the Future, Protect the Past.

onlive

Years ago, the public was introduced to something called the SEGA channel. It was a connection that hooked up to the SEGA Genesis and for a monthly fee you could load games to your console through the cable line. It failed hard. It seemed that people didn’t like the idea of paying for games that they didn’t get to own. But now with the digital age, (where people seem perfectly fine with paying money for products they never hold) the concept is coming back.

For the past seven years WebTV founder Steve Perlman and former Eidos CEO Mike McGarvey have been working on what they believe is the future of video games. It’s called OnLive and it’s a way of streaming video games right into your home. Using Windows XP, Vista , or a converter box for your TV, you can play top notch games from Electronic Arts, Take-Two, Ubisoft, and Atari.

All you need is a broadband connection (1.5 Mbps for normal play 5 Mbps for HD), the willingness to pay an as of yet disclosed monthly fee, and to give up your rights as a consumer to own hard copies of the games you buy.

With the newest video game consoles offering the ability to download content directly to your hard drive, it seems the next logical step is to go all digital. That means cutting out the retail stores like Bestbuy, Walmart, and Target out of the game. One of the problems I have with this is, the developers all claim that this will be good for the consumer. They say, by not having to print boxes or produce DVDs the savings will be passed onto the buyer. If that’s true, then why is it that a digital download of a new movie cost the same as buying it a store?

This is really a way to increase their profit margin by selling you a game without you having the pleasure of actually owning it. I know this is the future, but nobody ever said I have to like it. I still have many major issues with the whole online product thing. What happens when my hard drive crashes and I lose all the music, movies, and games I paid for? What happens when the online game I love gets old and it’s no longer cost affective to run a server for it? And what happens to stores like Gamestop and the Exchange that thrive on the resell of these products?

I guess I’m just old fashion and stuck in the 90’s but I just feel that if I’m going to dish out 60 of my hard earned dollars I should get something for it that I can put on my book shelf.

By Sean Brett

Stevie Wonders About the Future of Technology

wonders

I’ll admit it. Being blind must suck, but it’s about to get a whole lot worse.

More and more products are coming out with touch screens. That might be fine and dandy for me and you, but blind people are being left behind.

Stevie Wonder went to the world’s biggest gadget fair, the annual Consumer Electronics show in Las Vegas (at least that’s where he was told he was at).

He wanted developers to include the needs of the blind into their products. Some of the examples he gave were a Sirius XM radio that he could operate and a car that he could drive.

Hey Stevie, as long as you’re making a list of impossible inventions that can help the blind, I got one for you: How about some new f***ing eyes.

But good old Stevie does have a point. The menus on products like the iPhone are impossible to navigate without the ability to see. And yes, if Apple really cared about cornering the sight impaired market they would make a blind friendly version. I don’t think that will ever happen because Apple must hate blind people. They even name their products in a mocking fashion, the iPhone and the iMac. Come on Apple, it’s the 21st century, a little tolerance please.

By Sean Brett

Let us Live Forever and Eat Bacon

bacontime

There are a lot of people out there that say too much bacon isn’t good for your health. They say it causes heart disease, high cholesterol, and even cancer. With that being said it brings up the age old question. How does one eat large amounts of bacon every day and live past 35? Well my fellow pork belly lovers I think science might have found an answer.

You might have never heard the name Turritopsis Nutricula before (or even know how to pronounce it), but it could be the 21st century fountain of youth. It is a jelly fish that was originally found in the waters of the Caribbean but has now spread around the world. What makes this jelly fish so special is his ability to live forever.

After reaching sexual maturity they mate then return back to sexual immaturity. The process is called Transdifferentiation. The cycle can be repeated indefinitely making this little jelly fish biologically immortal.

As I see it there are two outcomes to this information:

  1. Scientists will use the cells of the jelly fish to cure all diseases, cure all spinal cords injuries, and make us live forever. Then we will use this technology on pigs, giving them ability to regenerate tissue making an endless supply of bacon. And when bacon is readily available for all to eat there will be no more sadness or pain, just joy. So much joy that religion around the world will throw in the towel, declaring that there is no heaven because nothing could be better than this.
  2. Scientists in an effort to make a bacon rich utopia will actually create a race of man eating pigs that can’t be killed. At first, the pigs will just hunt us to near extinction, as human supplies grow low and pig intelligence grows high, the pigs will start to farm humans. We will have to live in small cages eating slop and defecating through a grated floor. As the pigs find religion they start celebrating Christmas and the barbaric tradition of the Christmas ham will be replaced with the Christmas man.

Those are the only two logical fact-based outcomes that exist. I’m really hoping for outcome 1, but 2 might be a little more interesting.

By Sean Brett

Bacon is More Important than the Economy

baconbaconbacon

The Chicago Sun-Times is reporting that the topic of bacon is all anyone can talk about online. And it’s all because of the Bacon Explosion.

We have talked about the Bacon Explosion on this site a few times in the last couple weeks, but the originator is bbqaddicts.com. They posted the first known recipe for the edible log that consists of 2 pounds of sausage encased in a 2 pound bacon weave.

When the New York Times featured a story on the explosion it became the most emailed story from their site. The economy…bacon is more important. The Super Bowl…bacon is more important. Barack Obama…bacon is more important. All news bows its head in the presence of bacon.

The Sun-Times goes on talking about websites and Facebook pages dedicated to bacon, but they made one major omission. Nowhere do they mention the most amazing, by far the most informative and entertaining website. I am of course talking about MrBaconpants.com. In my option that’s just sloppy journalism.

By Sean Brett

Catherine Zeta-Jones has some Funky Beauty Tips

beeralt

The semi talented Catherine Zeta-Jones has revealed some of her best kept beauty tips. So get out your Hello Kitty note pad and your glow in the dark Bratz pen set, because you’re going to want to remember these.

She conditions her hair with honey and beer, eats an apple or strawberries after every meal to polish her teeth, and rubs her entire naked body with a mixture of honey and salt to moisturize and exfoliate her skin (what ever the F that means.)

This routine brings up a number of questions I have for Zorro’s B. Like, how much does she spend on strawberries a year, what kind of beer gives your hair the best bounce, and why was I not born as a pile of salt?

A very unreliable source informed me of some techniques that Miss Jones is still keeping a secret. Allegedly she cleans her ears with chunky peanut butter, relaxes her feet by dipping her toes in chili, and douches with marshmallow fluff.

This behavior might seem a bit odd or extreme to us common folk but that’s what it takes to be a star.

By Sean Brett

Oregon Man Takes One for the Road

storebeer

It was a peaceful day in Beaverton Oregon until one man snapped (most likely from lack of bacon.) A 42 year old man decided it was time to turn to a life a crime, and that his first target would be a convenience store.

Armed with a pistol the man entered the store and said something along the lines of “ Gimme ya monay!! Or I’ll shoot the front of your head!!!”

To that the clerk responded with “ No.”

Puzzled by the clerks sheer intelligence the man look around and said “ yea… well… I’m gonna take me one of these beers.”

The man grabbed a beer, ran out, and jumped in his get away car. Pulling away from the store there is no doubt that the man thought to himself. “Job well done.”

A short time later police apprehended the man and his car. They found on his person a replica hand gun and one beer. The man was charged and the beer was returned to its rightful owner, where it was sold to a 16 year old kid with a fake I.D. and then used to date rape his friends little sister.

I love happy endings.

By Sean Brett

I’ll take a Big Old Glass of Obama

obama-beer

People seem to love Barack Obama so much that they want to drink him. Some Obama inspired beer has been popping up around the world.

In Kenya the people have been drinking a beer called Senator Keg. It is known to the locals as “Obama Beer”, and has been around since Obama became senator of Illinois.

There are a few more state side called things like, Hop Obama and The Audacity of Hops. But what I want to know is, where are the other presidential inspired drinks? Like Bush’s Iraqi Sunrise., the Clinton Fuzzy Cigar, The Reagan Bomb, or the JFK Mind Eraser. I don’t think Obama is any different than any previous president. (I mean besides that he’s not the same color.) So, why does he get drinks and no one else does?

Well, no matter what your choice of beverage is, it’s obvious that this presidency is going to mean one thing…. Time to get drunk.

By Sean Brett