Bad Blogger

A fellow Pittsburgh Blogger (ThatNight) wrote an amazing post about called, “Personal Blogger Resource”. I recommend that everyone in to blogging check it out, it’s well written and the tips are timeless.

After reading the post it got me thinking what makes a bad blogger bad. Sometimes if you look at what you can do wrong it helps you do what’s right. So here is my list for what bloggers should do if they want to be a bad blogger.

1. Tiny Details – A bad blogger should always bore their readers with every detail that happens to them. For example if you are blogging about walking to work, you must write about how everyone was dressed. Think about the last Steven King novel you read and you will know what kind of detail I expect in a bad bloggers post.

2. Destroy Commenters – When someone has the audacity to comment on YOUR blog with THEIR opinion punish them with hate. A bad blogger must always be right. If a commenter proves you wrong delete the comment right away.

3. Never Tell the Truth – Never be yourself and make up stories about how amazing you are. If someone catches you in a lie just block them from your blog so they don’t tell everyone else. Or start an evil rumor about them to discredit them. Lying is one of the most important things you can do to be a bad blogger.

4. Never Design – As a bad blogger you have no time to design a nice looking blog so just use the default theme your blogging platform came with. People should be reading your amazing content, not looking at eye candy. Keep them on task by making your site ugly.

5. Fake Friends – Join as many social networks that you can, using your blogs name. You will also have to create a many fake accounts as you can and then friend yourself. This will help reinforce your lies about how funny and popular you are.

6. Emo Emo Emo – Bad bloggers must obsessively write about how sad and depressed they are. Remember you’re not happy and no one else should be happy. Your job is to bring everyone else down.

7. Spelling and Grammar – As a bad blogger you should never worry about spelling and grammar. If your readers can’t understand what your writing that’s their problem not yours.

8. Build a False Sense of Yourself – Looking in the mirror for about five to ten minutes before you blog and tell yourself how amazing you are. Tell yourself that Google Analytics is wrong and you do have more than three visitors a day. Tell yourself that you have so many RSS readers that FeedBurner cannot keep up, that’s why it always says zero subscribers. If you do this your ego will grow, despite your short comings. Having a false sense of yourself is the second most important thing for a bad blogger, lying is always number one.

There are a lot of other bad bloggers already out there so I hope my tips help you standout. Remember it’s a lot of hard work keeping track of all your lies and growing ego. No one said being a bad blogger was easy.

If there is anything I missed, be sure to let me know. Since I am not a “bad blogger” I will appreciate your comments.

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3 Responses to Bad Blogger Resource

  1. Gondek says:

    I think you’re a bad blogger.

    But like 80′s bad. To the bone.

  2. Mosley says:

    Haha! Well, I think your new shirt at ChestLaser.com is Phat (Pretty Hot and Tempting).

    I had to spell it out because there may be younger people reading this blog that has never heard someone say, “Man, that chick is phat”!

  3. Emily says:

    Haha well at least you said “care” about spelling and grammar and not “using” it correctly. :P

    I can’t help but think you’re targeting certain bloggers towards the end there. Coming from someone who knows minimal web design, I take offense to the design remark even though I know I’m not being targeted. I don’t write well, but if someone does, their writing should stand out more than flashy pictures and design so there.

    The final point you need to make is that no one is forcing you to read them! You’re becoming quite the elitist these days Mosley…

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